Thursday, March 27, 2008 @ 7:33 PM
5 little things add up to 1 big thing


they always say that god is fair but it doesnt seem so to me or rather i still cant see it.
why is so that im suffering from all this. to be specific skin problems.
why on earth does it have to drop from the vast sky and land on me ?
ok fine. i encountered it and so theres a mean for me to overcome / solve it. but after all the means i've tried its not making any difference. its not as though i dint take good care of it or whatsoever reasons. i fucking take care of it more than any part of my body. but is there of any use ? nope. they just have to pop out from no where.

its actually more than just a skin problem to me now. it has already invaded my into my life.
the way i think about myself. my esteem. affecting me all round in my life. making me feel inferior and sorts of nonsense. you name it you have them.
i feel so sorry for my love ones cause they actually have to tolerate all these and even after so i'm still the same me despite all the encouragements and motivations.

but theres really i cant do. im that pessimistic. im weak mentally. i cant tell myself to buck up and stand strong. all i need now is glimpse lof hopes. or rather all the hopes that i can get.

on top of that , i can foresee more problems to befall above me. with school starting within finger countable weeks and with long hours and hectic timetable for year2 i reckon there will be time for us to meet up and spend time together. in fact im already have the taste of it as an appetizer.
there's constraint here and there already even before school starts.
we dont really text each other much because of some restraint.
we dont spend much time together due to appointments and tiredness.
i tried to put myself in that situation and understand but argh. its time to get used to it. esp when my school term starts.
besides that theres also other external problems which i dont wish to talk about it. its seriously not within my control. and im certain i do not have to capabilities to withstand it due to some reasons.

i just feel like banging the wall but still it doesnt solve any of it. all in all im at my most vulnerable state and its the easiest time to cripple me as in not really cripple but to break me is now and its as simple as killing an ant.
pfftt ~ i dont know why do i keep running myself down but i just feel like that. my mood cant be any higher than where im staying though its only the 4th floor. its as though theres a piler on top of me piling me down each and everyday.

im moody.weird.hard to please. ratio of pessismistic and optimistic 7:3. thinks too much and in depth. sensitive. pissy.always seem to ask for more.
can anyone except me for those craps ?
hahs. i guess no one.



iloveher
but is that just enough to do so ?

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CHAN KANG YUAN
03.02.1990
NYP Electronics Computer Communication Engineering
because she live , thats why im here
currently tgt with:
NURUL NABILAH HUDA
♥ 16.08.07
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