Monday, March 31, 2008 @ 9:11 PM


sometimes its nice to reminisce about the past.
like look back about all the things we did or went through.
and come to think of it , its actually quite funny and annoying.
esp when its with gf. talk about all the fights , arguements , stupid misunderstandings. hahhaa.
shes still dumb as ever. and thats the reason why she's being named BENBEN.
and she's becoming more and more irritating. i wonder why. but who cares , i still love her (:

theres nothing to talk about my life uh. its superb mundane other than meeting gf or talking on the phone.
and yar. school's starting in 2 weeks time ? damn. by then , there would be even nothing to talk about. lol

ohwell. just hope that everything falls into the right place by itself or what.
i need a timeout for problems.


i love my BENBEN :]
u're my everything uh
rmb!



Thursday, March 27, 2008 @ 7:33 PM
5 little things add up to 1 big thing


they always say that god is fair but it doesnt seem so to me or rather i still cant see it.
why is so that im suffering from all this. to be specific skin problems.
why on earth does it have to drop from the vast sky and land on me ?
ok fine. i encountered it and so theres a mean for me to overcome / solve it. but after all the means i've tried its not making any difference. its not as though i dint take good care of it or whatsoever reasons. i fucking take care of it more than any part of my body. but is there of any use ? nope. they just have to pop out from no where.

its actually more than just a skin problem to me now. it has already invaded my into my life.
the way i think about myself. my esteem. affecting me all round in my life. making me feel inferior and sorts of nonsense. you name it you have them.
i feel so sorry for my love ones cause they actually have to tolerate all these and even after so i'm still the same me despite all the encouragements and motivations.

but theres really i cant do. im that pessimistic. im weak mentally. i cant tell myself to buck up and stand strong. all i need now is glimpse lof hopes. or rather all the hopes that i can get.

on top of that , i can foresee more problems to befall above me. with school starting within finger countable weeks and with long hours and hectic timetable for year2 i reckon there will be time for us to meet up and spend time together. in fact im already have the taste of it as an appetizer.
there's constraint here and there already even before school starts.
we dont really text each other much because of some restraint.
we dont spend much time together due to appointments and tiredness.
i tried to put myself in that situation and understand but argh. its time to get used to it. esp when my school term starts.
besides that theres also other external problems which i dont wish to talk about it. its seriously not within my control. and im certain i do not have to capabilities to withstand it due to some reasons.

i just feel like banging the wall but still it doesnt solve any of it. all in all im at my most vulnerable state and its the easiest time to cripple me as in not really cripple but to break me is now and its as simple as killing an ant.
pfftt ~ i dont know why do i keep running myself down but i just feel like that. my mood cant be any higher than where im staying though its only the 4th floor. its as though theres a piler on top of me piling me down each and everyday.

im moody.weird.hard to please. ratio of pessismistic and optimistic 7:3. thinks too much and in depth. sensitive. pissy.always seem to ask for more.
can anyone except me for those craps ?
hahs. i guess no one.



iloveher
but is that just enough to do so ?



Tuesday, March 25, 2008 @ 11:54 PM


it should all stop there and my gap shut tight.
maybe i was too overly concerned that it just made things turn out wrongly.

whatever it is , i should have just shut that big gap of mine.



Thursday, March 20, 2008 @ 9:21 PM


everything's just not within my control. sometimes im just so scared that everything would be where it started with a snap of my fingers. and if that day really comes by how am i going to handle it ? now it seems to be that he's supposed to be with you and not me sine he seem to have the intention of getting back with you as what all your friend thinks. exactly the same as what i pictured it in my mind right after what i saw. and to think that i actually agree with it because of my flaws. totally brainless.i know i shdn be thinking this way. so tell me how and what shd i do in order not to ? pretend that nothings wrong ? shits. all the negative thinking are queuing up in my mind. and i totally hate it.

who doesnt want to be what we used to be. but its because of what we have turn out to be right now that all this are happening. we are bound to face problems. hiding and running only suppress the pain for the time being. when things really get out of hand , its gna be so hard to salvage everything.

i knew it that this is situation would happen. telling me how you feel and so on would in another way make me more worried and stuff. so does that mean keeping me in the dark and everything would make us better ? and that i only get to know abt it when i happen to find out myself ? i guess its back to square one again.

i just hope you know what you are doing and dont have any regrets about it.
and yar. i still love you.
=/



Wednesday, March 19, 2008 @ 8:04 PM


now that its all said and done....

THE RESULTS ARE FINALLY OUT
it was actually released at 12mn. so yar. being damn enthu and nervous i sat infront of my lappy with my eyes set on my screen and my fingers clicking refresh again and again at 1145.
me or rather yx was freakin me out with the thoughts of repeating certain modules esp for computing bla bla bla before that.

and so , it was finally 12 and i guess i was the first to view it cause i was alr done but the rest were still waiting for it to load. hahaha. totally unexpected and taken aback. of course its was for good.

today was a total boredness. did nthg the whole until noon. met up with mum. had lunch and came back. slutface iklhas cldnt take it anymore and asked me out to cwp for ermm.. tail end of lunch and the start of dinner? lol. his friend joined us later. hes one coolshit guy and total gayness. they went to catch step up2 while i went off to get food and met gf.

pfftt. was abit pissed cus shes late like again. nope. LIKE ALWAYS. but seeing her face at that time just make me cant bear to blame her. (:
chilled awhile then send her home.

that's all i guess ?
lol.

you just got that magical factor that gets me down on my knees :]
tons of lovesss !



Saturday, March 15, 2008 @ 5:55 PM


back from chalet. though it was jus a tiny winy one , we had a great time there. first day was raining almost the whole and thus we cldnt get out anywhere. card games and that no - so - many - channels - available television kept us occupied. by the time we reached there all of us were like hungri-fied and the thing is that we got nothing to eat cept for cans and packets of tidbits plus an ice cream box of homemade sandwiches made by andrea. it was gone within 10 mins. lol.

then it was the bbq. everything was nice and going well unlike the previous one we had. played quite a few card games. snap , heart attack , fishing and bluff. yar. the first 2 sounds quite childish but hey. theres a kid in everyone. (:
wanted to get out since it wasnt raining but most of them were glued infront of the tv for AI. trust me. they really supports and gets defensive for their idols in the show. zzz.
got out to mac for some food and drinks. then it was back to card games and bbq till the wee hours in the morning. all of us fell flat on the bed at 5 plus except for dna benny and lester. practically singing their hearts out when everyone was sleeping. it all lasted till the next morning.

packed and checkout after everyones done.
another torturous journey back home. freaking 26 stops.
hung out with farah since she ended work early. slutface iklhas joined us not long later.
home-ed and only managed to catch some winks before dinner.

met gf today and she makes me go argh ! nvm. don wish to talk abt it.
but islh.

sometimes in life we just cant expect too much out of things cause the higher you expect , the greater the disappointment.
overly thoughts over someone or something isnt a good thing either.
try linking both together cause i myself cant figure it out how to express it.


ohyar. tmr's another 16 for us.
7 months. & still loving you hun. :]

if only you could stay by my side 24/7
=/



Wednesday, March 12, 2008 @ 9:46 PM


wooo. its been some time since i updated.

been doing much lately but just slacking sessions tgt with the 2 sluts. lol. it has been raining like mad this few days and i have to ella ella eh eh eh eh walking under my umbrella wherever i go. but it doesnt to help much either. im still wet. and things seem to goes against me. the rain. the slippers. VOLUNTEERED to fetch gf frm sch ytd since it was pouring heavily. i braved through the heavy downpour to meet her and by then the rain alr subsided and my slippers practically came off every 10 steps i took.

everything's cool. got her to some block around her vicinity and went back cause i had to mit mum to get to lavender for collection of passport. it was then everything repeated itself. downpour. LIKE AGAIN. zzz.
over at lavender. stood there for hours to wait for our turn. thank god i've got all the old msges frm gf to keep me occupied. lol.

chilled over at slutface hse. psp-ed throughout. and im addicted. hahah. such that he's banning me from playin. sheesh.

today met gf . as in not just sending her home. ehem. LIKE FINALLY. shes getting dumber and dumber each day la. but at the same time ccccuuuuuutttteeee :] if only we can have the whole for ourself but i doubt we can uh with you always thinking of sleeping. zzz. and we were lucky enough as of not to get into trouble like once again. phew ! grocery shopping at sheng shiong ( with that signature hand sign) for tmr TheGang chalet.

on the phone with gf . the content of it. secrets ! :] you know i know x)
tmr's off to chalet. weee ~
if only it could be pushed back or something =/

i want to keep , hold and see all the tenses of ours.
the past , the present and the future :]

you're my babylove !






Wednesday, March 5, 2008 @ 5:22 PM


put on the fake mask when you're with your friends but can you take it off when you're with me ?
why aint i the one whom you will first to think of to turn to to pour all your problems you're facing with.
i noe this period is the toughest for us. theres alot of restrcition for us and we should be there for each other.
why do u choose to go through it alone and shut yourself off from me ?
i really want to be the one you confide to regardless of any problems and you shouldnt be feeling how you are feeling now over why you don want to tell me.

it seems to me that the closer i get to you the further you drift away from me..
don push me away will you ?
it only make me feel worst and seriously cause misunderstanding or problems between both of us.




will you ? :\



Tuesday, March 4, 2008 @ 10:31 PM


why is it that its happening again ? all the probs that we once talked about and agreed over what and how we gonna change for the better .

its seem like so near yet so far. i cant seem to see through how you are feeling cause its just so complicated. way too complicated and with the fact that you dont tell me about it how would i even get to know.i thought being together we should tell each other our problems be it minor or major ones. but it seems otherwise to us. you had your reasons.. but..
sigh.
like i said i cant force you.

and im abit shaken over what someone has told me. i dont know if its true or not , but if it really is then..
i seriously got nothing to say. its gonna hurt big time if i were to fall at this time after so long...

why is it that the harder i try , the more twisted the outcome would be ? ):

profile

CHAN KANG YUAN
03.02.1990
NYP Electronics Computer Communication Engineering
because she live , thats why im here
currently tgt with:
NURUL NABILAH HUDA
♥ 16.08.07
TALK



affiliates

archives